I like the days when my fingers hover over the keyboard for hours on end and I haven’t a clue what to do next. Sure, I got work to do, who doesn’t? But what I struggle with is how happy I am to just spend my day doing that hovering. Probably what makes it more exciting for me is that it feels as though it’s a huge dramatic pause before the grand ‘moment’ of life. Like the slow bit of a Nirvana song before it all goes mental? Or even a Green Day song, when they were still a band and not a Simpson’s caricature? Yeah, we’re watching you, Matt, ridiculing and belittling our music (and Green Day). You bastard!
I wonder if it’s okay to feel happy with the world? Shouldn’t I be more moribund and on the verge of tears all the time? Maybe being miserable is just too much like hard work day in, day out? It was fine when we all believed in god, because then we just assumed that there was a special purpose for us all and we were put here to suffer. Eventually coming to some divine realisation that god had a plan for us and it probably involved struggling for a bit and then chilling out with Him and smoking a bong and listening to Jimmy Hendrix gigs for all eternity. Or Paul Simon? Paul Simon is dead, right?
Nowadays it’s just us and a few godless years of getting by as best we can before it all comes to a crashing end and our mind fades out like a swarm of fireflies struck down, with Flyaway vaporising us in mid-flight. Or a horrific swat flattening us into instant nothingness? Either way, we have to do our best, right? Are you still with me?
Don’t worry, this doesn’t end with a call to arms for a suicide cult to be formed somewhere in an obscure middle-England village hall somewhere outside of Kent. Order of business: a) choosing a winner for best cucumber sandwich b) Fundraiser for church roof c) Kool-aid, orange or raspberry?
Maybe because I have a slightly healthy obsession with my own mortality I’m better able to deal with it? If, as Buddha says, all life is suffering and we have to come to terms with that before reaching Nirvana (the spiritual nirvana, keep up!) I’m on the path to dealing with life. If you’re comfortable with the way things are, then you can deal with almost everything?
Or I’m mental and should be sectioned.
Still, doesn’t solve another twenty four hours going by and nothing having been done. Maybe I’m not on the path to enlightenment but just lazy?
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